What do you call it? Rape, Molestation, Sexual Assault, Victimization, Child Sexual Abuse, Fondling, Intercourse, Unlawful Sexual Offense, Stolen Innocence, and Misuse of Sexual Power….
However you want to look at it, I was under the age of 18. I was not a teen, I was not an adolescent, and I was 3 years old, the first time. It was a He that took me down the hall. He had on a red robe. There were other children in the house, but he choose me. He sat me on the bed, as if I were his lover and that was the day my life changed. That is the day I lost my “innocence”. To feel safe in another’s arms is a scary thing. I say “another” and not “a man”, because at 6 years old it was a “She”. It was a She that told me, I liked it and how to keep “it” clean for her. At six, I was old enough to resist. But that didn’t stop the she, from treating my body as her own, in the gas station bathroom, on the bed, on the floor beside the bed when I tried to resist, and in the car. The she not only violated my body, she showed me love and treated me as her own “Daughter”. She continued to create and display conflicting aspects of love and care for me. I remember the time she picked up the glass and I watched my mother hold her head as blood leaked from a towel onto her hand. She showed me love also hurts. The “he”, smiled in everyone’s faces as he was allowed to still be around [engaging with] the family, feeling as though he got away with stealing my innocence and anyone else’s that crossed his path. He sang songs of love and the love of God, as the devil ran through his veins. The she still kissed my neck, as she said her gloating good-bye to my mother and I.
To go through the month of April and not think of my story would be a disservice to so many people trying to heal. Through life’s hurt and constantly failures, I have survived and am a living testimony that God is keeping me in my "right" my mind. You will never know my whole story, but I hope this is enough for you to understand the importance of Marion’s House and the need for me to continue to #GiveanEAR (Empowerment, Awareness, and Recovery) to the cycle of Child Sexual Abuse.
